Thank you for putting this out there and especially for choosing to be brutally honest in your approach. I seldom choke on my own tears reading something. I was raised to feign stoicism above all else, which as you've so keenly observed is often a significant part of the problem. But reading this just alleviated so. much. guilt. I had going on about 'doing depression wrong' that I couldn't hold back the flood of emotion. I feel so seen. I needed this so so much and didn't even know it.

I've read enough 'taking your own life is selfish' discourse in the wake of celebrity suicide (like the wave of suicide-shaming after Anthony Bourdain's death) that I've gotten to a point of simply not discussing it for fear of being labeled a self-centred attention seeker. I don't think I could handle being told I'm 'doing this for attention'. I'd rather just keep it a secret, like it's something to be ashamed of. Your courage in discussing suicide openly heals my heart.